hi friends i'm relocating! I decided to delete this and start all over again.. I'm now at thequietrush.livejournal.com thanksxzdxds:)

I'm so happy these days I'm afraid- I'm afraid I've reached the peak of happiness and that surely something bad must happen to make life fairer, because why should I be allowed to feel such heights of joy when people the world over are suffering? I have been happy for a month, and probably for that I deserve depression or something. I can't decide if God is being very kind to an undeserving person such as I or if all this is meant to lessen some great injury that I will be afflicted with months from now, so I can't complain about life being unfair then because it IS unfairly joyous now.

I love school, and it's so strange to love school because it's been a kind of subconscious dread to go to school for almost all my life, I think. It's so weird not to have subjects I dislike, because I love everything that I'm taking, everything is exactly what I wanted and JC is so full of vibrancy and life and opportunities. And the best part is I'm not afraid of chances anymore, I want to take everything that I can get and leave these two years behind me with happiness. Maybe I'm being horribly deluded now because lessons have only just started for a week, but for now I am looking forward to doing everything right.

don't have much to say but I want to talk

The most famous of these escapes was made by 19-year-old guard Conrad Schumann on August 15, 1961—50 years ago today—just the third day of the wall’s construction. Since the “wall” was really just piles of barbed wire at that point, Schumann jumped over the wire in his uniform while toting his machine gun. A photographer caught Schumann’s flying leap, and the jump to freedom became an iconic Cold War image. Schumann eventually settled in the southwestern state of Bavaria and worked as a machine operator. He committed suicide in 1998.

I always find it sad when people who have done or gone through great things commit suicide. I can't say if he was suffering from some form of great sadness, but I've always felt that after going through an exciting/ near-death experience you'd have felt that your life had meaning, and probably some higher powers saved it because they had greater plans for you.

“You know, I feel real good about 5-0. The — obviously, I’ve gotten a little grayer since I took this job but otherwise, I feel pretty good. And Michelle, you know, says that, you know, she — she — she still thinks I’m, I’m cute, you know. And I guess that’s — that’s all that matters, isn’t it?” — Barack Obama


SO SO SWEET 8)

The winter I told you I think icicles are magic
you stole an enormous icicle from a neighbors shingle
and gave it to me as a gift
I kept it in my freezer for seven months
until the day I hurt my foot
I needed something to reduce the swelling
love isn't always magic
sometimes its just melting
or its black and blue
where it hurts the most
last night I saw your ghost
pedaling a bicycle with a basket
towards a moon as full as my heavy head
and i wanted nothing more than to be sitting in that basket
like ET with my glowing heart glowing right through my chest
and my glowing finger pointing in the direction of our home
two years ago I said I never want to write our break up poem
you built me a time capsule full of big league chew
and promised to never burst my bubble
I loved you from our first date at the batting cages
when I missed 23 balls in a row
and you looked at me
like I was a home run in the ninth inning of the world series
now every time I hear the word love I think going going
the first week you were gone
I kept seeing your hand wave goodbye
like a windshield wiper in a flooding car
and the last real moment I believed the hurricane would let me out alive
yesterday i carved your name into the surface of an ice cube
then held it against my heart til it melted into my aching pores
today i cried so hard the neighbors knocked on my door
and asked if I wanted to borrow some sugar
I told them I left my sweet tooth in your belly button
love isn't always magic
but if I offered my life to the magician
if I told her to cut me in half
so tonight I could come to you whole
and ask for you back
would you listen
for this dark alley love song
for the winter we heated our home from the steam off our own bodies
I wrote too many poems in a language I did not yet know how to speak
But I know now it doesn't matter how well I say grace
if I am sitting at a table where I am offering no bread to eat
So this is my wheat field
you can have every acre love
this is my garden song
this is my fist fight
with that bitter frost
tonight I begged another stage light to become that back alley street lamp that we danced beneath
the night your warm mouth fell on my timid cheek
as i sang maybe i need you
off key
but in tune
maybe i need you the way that big moon needs that open sea
maybe i didn't even know i was here til i saw you holding me
give me one room to come home to
give me the palm of your hand
every strand of my hair is a kite string
and I have been blue in the face with your sky
crying a flood over iowa so your mother will wake to venice
lover I smashed my glass slipper to build a stained glass window for every wall inside my chest
now my heart is a pressed flower and a tattered bible
it is the one verse you can trust
so I'm putting all of my words in the collection plate
I am setting the table with bread and grace
my knees are bent
like the corner of a page
I am saving your place

- by Andrea Gibson